"We were going to have a baby-Jesus-burning party"

"We just wanted to see their heads burning."

Woa. I thought I was hardcore when I stole one baby Jesus and painted tempura paint "blood" on it. (as a kid, as a kid... a bored suburban kid)

Four teenagers charged yesterday in the destruction of a 15-foot crucifix at a borough cemetery and the theft of more than 25 infant Jesus figures from manger scenes "wanted to see the baby Jesuses burn," police said.

"They were looking for things to do. They told us, "We were going to have a baby-Jesus-burning party,' " said Detective Ken Kelly of the Sayreville Police Department. "The reason they picked (the Jesus figures) was because they looked real."

The suburbs are boring.  What do parents expect their kids to do?  The best part? In absence of real crimes, over-zealous doughnut-jockeys charged the kids with theft (obviously), criminal mischief (well, yeah, costly vandalism), destruction of venerated objects (um, hello, venerated plastic Jesuses?!) and conspiracy. (oh come on. these cops are taking themselves a bit seriously, no?)

Money quote for this store comes from Detective Ken Kelly of the Sayreville Police, who said: "Conceivably it could be some kind of cultish thing."

Indeed. Occam's Razor is well served. You sir are earning every penny of that salary the concerned citizens of Sayreville are paying you.  Keeping the world safe from bored satanic teenagers 27 tacky light-up Jesuses at a time.

Comments

[sean conner]

apparently you failed to read to part where these 19 year old adults . planned the event and entered a cemetary with a truck , then pulled down a crusifix with attached jesus which weighs several tons. You think that is not destruction of a venerated object. That is a bias crime against the catholic organization that owns the cemetary. What if they damaged a torah or muslim property, you can be sure the cops would be expected to throw the book at the offenders. Don't feel so bad for these 19 year olds who are to cowardly to serve there country.

[Ryan]

Poor powerless Catholic church...