Sometimes you just can't beat the real news:
Some See Virgin Mary in Underpass Stain
CHICAGO — A steady stream of the faithful and the curious, many carrying flowers and candles, have flocked to an expressway underpass for a view of a yellow and white stain on a concrete wall that some believe is an image of the Virgin Mary...
...The stain is likely the result of salt run-off, according to the Illinois Department of Transportation. The agency does not plan to scrub it off the wall.
And who controlled that salt run-off? That's right, jesus. Mixed messages here, though people - I thought transfiguration to salt was for the sinners, not for virgins...
UPDATE: Yes, we have a salt vagina (and thus virgin, no?), and no, I don't feel bad about missing it(!)
UPDATE 2: I did not mean to imply that fox news is any way "real" news. Any such implication is a complete coincidence, and I apologize to all who may have been offended.